you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I supernannyed him into submission
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
