Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
