I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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