Say something about gay babies.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
