census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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