Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
