So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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