So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
