Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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