She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
