I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
