Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
