you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
