if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
