1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
