I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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