I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
