I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
