I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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