tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
