i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
