did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
