Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
