you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
