I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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