I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
