I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
