you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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