i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
