You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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