i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
