I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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