Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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