I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
