i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
