but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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