I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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