you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Enjoy the penises
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
