i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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