Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
