Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
