I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
