dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
