Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
