she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
