i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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