I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
