I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize