i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
