Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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