I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
