You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So drunk its hurt
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
