im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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