if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
