It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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