do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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