"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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