Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
