So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
