What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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