lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize