Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
