I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
