Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
