you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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