hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
