Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
